Preparing to leave detox, hoping for halfway house

Well this will be my final week in intensive rehab/detox. I've accomplished the basics and identified my problem areas. Mainly I'm too easily distracted and I can't have any distractions if I want to finish a thesis. I received a recommendation from someone to turn my cell phone completely off, not just on silent, and of course to turn off all the IMs like I did during the initial week. I am also planning to have some things in place for my return to school so that I can handle things much better. Like I said, I know what the problems are but I need strategies to deal with them. In therms of the wedding, I think all we *have* to do is get the invitations out. This does include, blocking off the hotel rooms and registering, but I think we can handle those in one day. I also sent a draft of chapter 1 to my advisor, so that's good. There have been many personal changes I have made too. This is all short-term, the point is to complete my thesis no matter what. And make whatever necessary and uncomfortable adjustments in order to maximize my work and finish. I'm on the hook for an abstract at the end of the month, based on my select-scans procedure. So I'll be leaving rehab on Wed/Thurs. and I have some things in place for my return. I look forward to R.B., my own bed, and boxing.

in rehab, phase II

Well as you know phase one, was focusing on learning how to sleep, and be normal again. and that was the first 7 days. i also greatly limited my communication during that time. i have since opened up my communication, trying to understand when it bothers me, when it's distracting from my phd, and how much time i spend on it. it's getting better. i started talking about the W word again, that's right wedding. at first, i was feeling really bad, disappointed, angry, and overwhelmed like before. BUT things are starting to smooth out, as my perspective changes, and most importantly i have HAPPY HELP! esp from RB. i decided to approach everything positively there are some pockets/persons who still suck out the some of the energy, but that's getting better too. i'm trying to figure out how to make wedding planning a healthy part of my life while i complete my thesis. the biggest things is to see RB active and involved, and then my family. everything i've done or have been doing  i never would have dreamed of. i just never thought i'd get in the car and just leave school. and today i'm going wedding dress shopping with my daddy...that wasn't in the plans either. so i'm just doing "Let Go, and Let God"

Rehab Day 8

I'm moving from get it together to ramp up mode. I've been able to sleep reasonably normally even though I noticed I have this obsessive desire to stay up when it starts to get late. Even if I am not productive, I still stay up, and that's just silly. Anyhoot, I did a nice run around some neighborhoods looking at suburbia and then I went to the gym. So I feel pretty great. Today I dealt with stuff like SVN stuff that took forever, but seems to be ok now. Also, printed a ref thesis for dern $7.05 at Staples. Real life...sigh...Well I'm looking over the thesis now. My plan was to write the related work chapter next, but I'm going to hold off on that because I underestimated, or better yet my fantasy factor was at a four for completing chapter one. So as much as I want to work on ch2, and I will do a bit a day, I have got to nail down these algorithms.

Going-Day 7

Ok, I was a bit sleepier today than other days, but up and working. I unfortunately had to do a little stuff related to the wedding, but not too much. Anyway that stuff still really bothers me. Other than that, I heard I got the MLK award which is cool. Although, I was just trying to lay low and leave (with a degree of course). Anyway, I've got to wrap up this chapter and then i'm going to work on the algorithm for select scans... because it's the most important thing for me to do next. as much as i would like to write the related work chapter...

Up! day 6

Well I got up this morning around 5:30pm. Woke up to a PBS special about old people singing in a choir and how some were dying every week, well because they are old. So it was quite a life sobering thing to wake up to, but nonetheless very interesting. Anyway it has been my dream to wake up at 5:30am, but I've been fighting with my dream of working until 5:30am. Can't seem to do both and have been leaning more on the side of working late into that night rather than waking up early. Well, as a part of my detox program I wanted to try to start waking up early, but the first week was supposed to be about 7 days of getting normal sleep. Which I've been doing, but I've kind of been anxiously wanting to change slightly into my old sleeping habits in order to get more work done. I am aware that if I go crazy on the no sleeping then I will feel like crap and nothing will get done. So I'm being pragmatic and methodical about it, and am actually going to plan my no sleep days. I kind of cheated in order to get up at 5:30 today. I slept on the sofa with the TV and light on, that usually ensures a few wake-ups throughout the night, including potty breaks. All of those things did occur, and I was able to get up. But my thoughts are it would be better to sleep in the dark for 5 hours straight with no interruptions, however whenever I try that I can't get up until I get my full 8 hours. Soooo...anyhoot. I made my pappy breakfast and myself breakfast and did some more writing. It is CLEAR that at this location with the peacefulness of not having construction, trucks and general dorm life noises, that waking up early and working is Great! So even though I'm a few days ahead of schedule I'm going to try to continue this, so I can get some peaceful writing done. And perhaps take naps during the day as RB has suggested.

Getting into a Writing Groove-Day 5

I'm glad it's day 5, there is one person I have detoxed from and I at least want to say hi to them. But I will hold out until day 7 or 8. R.B. has been a blessing and giving me some great tips. I tried to stay up later last night cause I really wanted to complete this chapter. I even set my alarm clock for 2:30am so I could nap for a few hours. But when it was time to get up I just couldn't do it. I did not get mad though just went back to sleep. Then around 6am I got up and moved out of the bed onto the sofa, but fell back asleep. Then I woke up at my now usual time of about 8am. I was comfortable with that. I actually wish I just went to bed like usual, but that was my trade-off. Anyway, I got up and worked then worked out, met the owner of the gym who said I was in great shape! Then came back and put on decent clothes and went to the grocery store to prepare for my experimental eggplant Parmesan!!! Although, writing has taken a bit longer it is for the better. The initial draft was very choppy. I'm not looking for perfection, I can get that once I get some feedback. I just want a single string story line through the chapter. I made some extra food for my daddy again like I did yesterday! So he can have food when he gets home. And nutritious food. He's also been working even longer because I'm working. Which for him may not be the best thing, but he seems to love his work. Did I say I love R. B.? Well I love R. B.!! TTFN

Well I went back to the gym in the evening to work out some pains, and I saw the mother of my childhood best friend! Sushima Bhasin!! Crazy huh!

Calibrating - Day Four

I'm started to get into a comfortable groove. With first things first, re-training myself how to sleep.That's getting better. I did not even feel motivated to write in this blog this morning, so it's now midday. I've cut out cursing, which I had just started doing more recently anyhow. I figure why add bad/negative/stressful habits? I spent quite some time at the gym today about 2 hours. But that was for calibration. Getting into the routine, learning the different machines etc. I've got a couple chapter deadlines coming up, and some readers. It's weird not being able to hop on my bike or walk and get to somewhere,...sigh..the 'burbs. I think they overdid it with suburban living, having to drive everywhere. So just walking to computer to sofa is not the same as my MIT life. Oh well. I have to be real conscious in what I eat, cause it's REAL EASY TO PUT ON AN UNHEALTHY AMOUNT OF WEIGHT. But I'm keeping it locked ;o) I love R. B. ;o) Well I've stayed grounded on all the things I need to detox from. Not really answering the phone or making calls, or emails, etc. Just want to do 7 days of cleansing and focus. I'm going to have to reduce my sleeping in order to achieve my ultimate thesis goals, but I'm easing into that. Alright, I'm bored of this, time to get back to editing my chapter.

Day Three

Lastnight I tried to go to bed, but the anxiety of thesis and wedding crept back. I'm starting to miss certain things especially my fiance, running, and boxing. Then I have second thoughts like maybe I should just leave here and go back. Let's see how long these feelings last.

Day Two

It's 6:59am on a Sat and I'm up. That would appear miraculous, compared to my previous lifestyle. Anyway, things are becoming less dramatic. I took care of business, but I still need to sign up for a gym. I also think I'm going to get one of those huge "white boards" from home depot so I can layout some thoughts. I just ate a pear and am about to have a huge cup of tea. About work, well yesterday I started to try to get another data file up and running, but there are some kinks. So the question is do I try to finish that up or do I switch to something else? I don't need it now, but I will need it soon. I'll spend a few more minutes on it. It's loop closing which is an unsystematic brute force pain in the rear :o(

Hi it's the evening now. I'm wondering if I should be gong to bed at 10pm on Sat nights too? Well today was alright. Both my paps and I were working. I was just turning knobs unsuccessfully to close the loop on a Biber map. Sigh... I'm going to let that go and pray for something to come through for that. Bummer cause I really want it to work, but it's soo sensitive to my knob turns. Anyhoot, I found a womens gym within walking distance. It's great, I worked out and took one of the classes. Of course the class was not like the Ring Boston, so I'm going to have to push myself on my own to stay in shape. But the gym has all the tools to do what I need to do. Other than that, I plan to go back to writing tomorrow. The idea is that once I wrap up completed drafts of the first two chapters I'll have some thesis writing momentum.

Day One

I'm up. It's about 10am. I had a rough going to sleep with tons of thoughts in my head. i even drank a water bottle before bed expecting that I would get up and go pea a few times during the night, which I do almost everynight. And I did not have to get up to pee. Great! My goal is to focus only on my thesis. I cheated and signed onto IM, but when I saw a message I did not respond. I have now exited my IM programs. In a normal world, my online presence, I think would be a good thing and not be too distracting, but a PhD in 21 days is not normal. Anyhow, there are only two things I want to do, that is clean my bathroom, and find the nearest gym.

Doing the Impossible- In Rehab

Everyday, someone(s) around the world sets out to do the impossible. Well I've just signed up. My "impossible" is a thesis in 21 days! A PhD thesis in robotics, that is. Well I'm starting by breaking bad habits and meaningless time consuming distractions. My first two goals are to go to sleep at night at a consistent time and to wake up. So I'm already off by a couple hours and I desperately want to take my laptop into bed. But I won't for the sake of sleep. Wish me luck!